Don't EVER Complain About The WATCHMEN Movie In Front of Me

WATCHMEN is one of my favorite movies.  I think my obsession with this film is probably only matched by my obsession with PROMETHEUS....another film that the geek community seems to have a love/hate relationship with.  I have both personal and filmic reasons why I think WATCHMEN is an amazing, beautiful, horrific, somewhat misunderstood movie, that deserves much more credit than it has received from the world-at-large.

THE PERSONAL REASON

Blogs are all about self-disclosure.

Mine isn't.

But the other day I was looking through my movie collection and came across my DVD of WATCHMEN and was instantly taken back to March, 2009.  A month that was life-changing, traumatic, and one of the most terrifying periods in my life.

In late February 2009 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  It had gone undetected for many years.  Other health problems had masked its symptoms and when the doctors finally found the tumor it was beginning to seriously affect my ability to breath, stand up, and function on a day-to-day basis.  I have been through many difficult situations in my life, and I try to keep a positive attitude and humor about my problems.  However, in this situation, I found my ability to cope stretched to its limits.  Thankfully I found something to look forward to in all the chaos of that moment.

Like most comic book fans, I was already excited for WATCHMEN.  I hadn't read the graphic novel, but I'm kind of weird that way.  I'm a comic book fan who tends to just watch comic book movies.  I don't actually read comics.  However, after my diagnosis, my desire to see the film turned into an obsession.  I even shaved a smiley face into my hair to celebrate seeing the movie.  In that month before my surgery I viewed WATCHMEN as the last thing I had to look forward to during that uncertain time.  And, as a movie fan, maybe the last important movie I would ever see.

I remember at one point sitting in my room contemplating my possible death and actually thinking "Well, at least I got to see WATCHMEN...."

It's the little things that get you through, I suppose.

THE MOVIE

While I could go on and on about the acting, the directing, the set-design, the fights, and everything else that makes WATCHMEN work, I would like to focus on the most controversial aspect of the movie: the ending.  The ending of the movie adds something that I feel is lacking in the graphic novel....something every good drama needs to succeed.

Films are about sacrifice.

Sophie had to make a choice.  Schindler made a list.  Vader saved Luke.

Sacrifice is exactly what the graphic novel lacks.  Space Octopi uniting the world is an okay ending, I suppose.  However, Dr. Manhattan being used as a scapegoat and common enemy for the world to unite against means that The Watchmen have to make a real sacrifice in order to keep world peace.  Dr. Manhattan, the world's first real superhero, is now a villain.  This adds an extra level of loss that the graphic novel lacks and creates a more satisfying filmic, experience.

So, in conclusion, don't talk bad about WATCHMEN around me.  Ain't gonna fly.  Also, I'm sorry I got all dramatic.  It won't happen again.  I swear.

SHARKNADO: A review of the 20 minutes I managed to watch before changing the channel.

SciFi Channel movies (I refuse to write SyFy) used to be awesome.  I still love ALIEN APOCALYPSE with Bruce Campbell.  In fact, outside of the EVIL DEAD trilogy it might be my favorite Bruce Campbell movie.  Sure it was made on a shoestring budget, the aliens looked like grasshoppers, and the acting sucked, but at least you felt like SciFi was trying to make a good movie.  Unfortunately, based on the quality of SHARKNADO, it seems that SciFi has forgotten the #1 rule of making a successful B-Movie.

B-MOVIES ONLY SUCCEED IF THE FILMMAKER SETS OUT TO MAKE A GOOD MOVIE.

This is the simple rule by which I judge all B-movies, and it has served me well for years.  For example, in the mid-nineties a slasher flick came out called JACK FROST.  The villain was played straight...even though he was a talking snowman.  The comedy was situational and occurred as a result of the insanity of having to deal with a killer snowman. Similarly, any deficits in production value are clearly as a result of a micro-budget movie...not because the director didn't care. The filmmakers had no budget and were obviously trying to make the best killer snowman movie they could.  The result is a movie I don't mind showing to people because it is a "party" movie.  You can laugh at the absurdity of the movie but still see the genuine skill...or attempts at skill.

Image source: comiccatacombs.blogspot.com

And then JACK FROST 2: ATTACK OF THE MUTANT KILLER SNOWMAN happened.

As soon as I hit the PLAY button on my VCR I knew something was off about the sequel.  The villain was played for laughs.  The gore was toned down.  The acting, which was pretty poor in the original, was now exaggerated to the point of parody.  Nothing worked.  The filmmakers saw that audiences found the original film funny, but failed to understand that it was the serious reactions of the characters being put in an insane situation that brought the humor into an otherwise B-picture.  However, with tongue planted firmly in cheek for the sequel, the filmmakers undermined the project and killed the franchise.

And so it is with SHARKNADO and all current SciFi Original Pictures.

Image source: Huffingtonpost

At no point in the time I was watching SHARKNADO did I feel like anyone cared.  Sight-lines were never right.  Shots didn't match up.  Green Screen photography was constant and obvious.  The special effects were terrible (unsurprisingly). Katrina stock footage was prevalent. Tara Reid.  Every scene felt like it had been made by someone who didn't care and actually believed people want to just see a bad movie because they like bad movies.

These yahoos probably think that Ed Wood was trying purposefully to make PLAN 9 bad movie.  No!!!  Ed Wood was trying to make a great movie....he just didn't have any talent.  It is his failure to make a good movie that makes PLAN 9 a classic.  Unfortunately for us, the makers of SHARKNADO not only lack talent, they lack respect for their audience.

SHARKNADO (The 20 minutes I watched): 1/10.

I dub thee SHITNADO.