CREEPY KIDS ON TV THAT DON'T STAR IN AMERICAN HORROR STORY

It happens every day.

You are watching Season 5 of your favorite sitcom when suddenly you get an uneasy feeling.  What’s wrong?  The teenage kid of the married couple on tv is just doing the same routine they have been doing for five years.  It used to be hilarious.  What changed?




CUTE

CREEPY

I call it the “DENNIS THE MENACE EFFECT.”  This occurs when I child actor who was between the ages of 7 and 12 when a show begins engages in the same cute, mischievous, or stupid behavior in season 5.  The issue, and we all know it, is that the kid should have long matured past the point of trying to paint their next-door neighbor’s house to “be helpful” or to think there are ghosts in the attic when there is an animal trapped behind a wall.  At this point the kid just appears to have a learning disability.  And learning disabilities are rarely funny. 

 

This is why THE SIMPSONS, BOB’S BURGERS, and KING OF THE HILL manage to succeed where other sitcoms fail.  The children don’t have to age so they never become too old to engage in child-like behavior.  A 30 year old Bart Simpson saying “Eat My Shorts” and idolizing a clown isn’t funny….it is kind of depressing and creepy.

 

Unfortunately, until science creates children that don’t age, kids on tv will get older naturally and their previously cute behavior will become creepy.  I guess you could always recast every few years like soap operas.  But I don’t know if I want there to be a voiceover at the beginning of Season 5 of THE GOLDBERGS that says “The part of Adam Goldberg is now being played by Jerry Weinstein.”  What happened to the previous actor?  Did he die?  Does he have a disease?  Is he being forced to sign autographs at some convention in Wisconsin?  As a viewer I’m glad I don’t have to watch a 20 year old act like a 15 year old, but as a naturally anxious person I’m going to fear for the previous actor’s safety.

A better solution is to create sitcoms with arcs and a set number of seasons in which to tell a story.  Vince Gilligan knew that BREAKING BAD was going to be six years because he had a specific story to tell in a set amount of time. Plus, no one wants to follow the adventures of an eighty year old meth dealer.  That might be even more depressing than a 30 year old Bart Simpson